Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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