Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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