yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
