btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
