The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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