Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
