I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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