Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
