I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
