His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
