He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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