I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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