is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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