Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
