So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
