my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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