apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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