sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
