I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
