Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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