I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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