this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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