ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
