I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
