I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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