How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
