if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
