i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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