Only a mothe r could love this liver
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A bitchslap is in order.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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