he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
