$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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