hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize