so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
