even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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