He kissed a someone with a penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
