the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
