I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
