well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
