She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
