If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
