Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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