turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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