Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
