i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
