Pregnant stripper...not hot.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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