Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
