i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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