please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
