wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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