her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
