I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
