these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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