On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
